When people ask you what superpower you would want, you might think of flying or reading minds. But there’s one superpower that doesn’t live in science-fiction books, and it might just be one of the most empowering everyday superpowers around:
Global (03 March 2024) — One of the most uncomfortable lessons we learn over and over again in life is coping with things not turning out the way we wanted them to. But the more doors we knock on, the more opportunities we are likely going to be invited into. What holds us back from knocking, of course, is the same thing that teaches us to cope with disappointment—rejection!
So, what if we could make being comfortable with rejection a superpower?
Rejection takes many shapes and forms. We can experience social rejection, competence rejection, perceived rejection and rejection sensitivity among many other kinds. None of these sound like a good time because none of them are at first glance. But what if the actual rejection part of the narrative isn’t as problematic as our responses to these perceived threats?
Anxiety, blame, negative self-talk, aggression and even depression can all surface from scenarios where our minds have interpreted an experience to encompass rejection. We’re social creations who want to belong, want things to go the way we intend, and want to avoid pain at all costs.
But these integral parts of us aren’t always our friends, and can actually stand in the way of us even trying to put ourselves in a position that might be the best risk we ever take, simply because we might be rejected.
So what can we do about it?
We need to make being comfortable with rejection a superpower. And this starts with understanding that rejection is only as meaningful as it is perceived to be.
We, society and influences allocate meaning to our experiences; experiences do not allocate meaning to themselves. So, here are 3 simple ways to turn the narrative on rejection:
This is Happening for Me, Not to Me
Shift that victim mindset! If we train our minds to believe that things are happening for us, not to us, we are more likely to find the positive in the experience. So the girl you asked out on a date said no. Well, maybe you dodged a bullet you’ll only see with hindsight. Or maybe you got fired from a job you loved, only to discover that a better opportunity did become available when you had the time to look for it.
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Every Rejection Holds a Lesson
There are few things as powerful as seeing tough experiences as lessons. But when we do, we are in a better standing to consciously take notes from it.
This takes a willingness to separate yourself and your emotions from the experience. Maybe you were underprepared for that job interview. Or maybe the conversation topics you brought to the dinner conversation with new people were not something everyone could talk on; which led to people changing the subject and you feeling ‘dismissed’.
When we think about situations objectively, we empower ourselves to be critical constructively.
It Was Good for the Plot
One of my personal favourites. Rejection isn’t easy, but maybe the risk you took was really good for the plot that is your life’s story. You did something bold, and it didn’t go as planned. But if you were a character and your life’s story was a book, maybe that’s exactly the moment of character development you needed to be braver. Or maybe it’ll make a really funny story that will become your kid’s favourite ‘when I was young’ tale one day.
I have a friend who once almost made the provincial team for a sport because she decided to take a risk. She’d only been playing it for a few months and decided one day to do something bold when the string of trials came around, despite being severely underqualified. Guess what? She made it all the way to the finals of trials. Yes, she did get rejected in the end, but she went way further than she’d ever imagined. And that confidence boost was worth its weight in accolades.
See, rejection isn’t always a negative thing. And it isn’t always a positive thing. It’s okay to feel disappointed and discouraged—just not for too long. But when being comfortable with this sensation our brains have dramatised becomes your superpower, you’ll find yourself building a story of your life where you aren’t insecure about what could go wrong, but secure in knowing that you’ll find a way to be alright.
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